


just this one

by four_leaf_chloe



Series: (i promise) i'll do better [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Poor Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, embellishment of an existing scene, spoiler alert he doesn't get a hug, you know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 10:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/four_leaf_chloe/pseuds/four_leaf_chloe
Summary: It's really something to grapple with, and Tony realizes, vaguely, that it hasn't really hit him yet. That it hasn't all quite sunk in. He knows what this means, that more than just this motley crew of heroes are dead. But he doesn't know how to evenbeginto carry the full weight of what's happened. The idea that half the universe—justgone—And then.“Mr. Stark, I…”Dear. God. No.





	just this one

**Author's Note:**

> i may have (kinda, sorta) jumped in a new fandom. (oops.) so while i'm here... quick little retake of That Scene, because why not, right?

He is chasing the sun as it goes down.

The knowledge of what is happening grips Tony’s chest and squeezes. Hard. That they are too late, that it's a lost battle. He knew exactly what was happening the minute Quill’s little space gang started turning to dust. Saw his own dread reflected in Quill’s eyes as their gazes met and locked. 

The last rays of a metaphorical sun are vanishing and then Quill’s gone, too, and then, with a whisper that _this was the only way_ —and how the _hell_ , Tony wants to ask, was this the _only way_ —Strange is gone too. Stark watches their faces crack apart, feels his breath quicken as they crumble into nothing.

They're gone. That's it. Just like it was nothing.

It's really something to grapple with, and Tony realizes, vaguely, that it hasn't really hit him yet. That it hasn't all quite sunk in. He knows what this means, that more than just this motley crew of heroes are dead. But he doesn't know how to even _begin_ to carry the full weight of what's happened. The idea that half the universe—just _gone_ —

And then.

“Mr. Stark, I…”

Dear. God. No.

Tony turns, he turns and he meets the kid’s eyes, feels the sweat in his clenched palms, sees the uncertainty in Peter's stance, the frailty in his expression. Shit. And that is wrong, god _damn_ it, that is wrong, Peter Parker is a lot of things but he's not frail, he's not _fragile_ —he won't, he can't—

“I-I don't feel so good.” Peter's eyes flick up to meet Tony’s. He's scared. He looks so scared.

Tony remembers, then, that Peter is sixteen.  

“You're alright,” he says quickly, dismissively. Too quickly.

It’s a selfish thing to say. He's trying to convince himself. _You're alright, kid. Don't worry about it, you're alright, you're_ **_fine_** _._

Because Tony can take a lot of things but he doesn't know if this is one of them.

_You'd better fucking be fine._

_Don't do this to me, kid. Don't you_ **_dare_ ** _do this to me._

And then he sees the dust on the tips of Peter's fingers, and it hits him, really hits him, slams into him like a freight train. And Tony knows in that moment that there is nothing he can do, he _knows_ , damn it. He sees the kid’s fingers disappearing, sees the ash and he _knows, he knows, he_ **_knows_ **

but still he catches him.

Step, stumble, crash and burn. Tony catches him under his arms and they collide, Peter going slack against him, clinging for dear life, fingers scrabbling at his sweatshirt. 

Begging. Pleading. Close to tears.

“I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go—”

And dear. God. No. He can't _do_ this.

_You're not going, kid—don't even think about it—you're staying right here. You're alright—_

But Tony is silent, lips shaking, blood dripping down his neck and sweat stinging his eyes as he lowers Peter to the ground, slowly, slowly.

He knows. He knows.

He is chasing the sun as it goes down. And the last rays of light are melting away just as he reaches them.

It's a hopeless chase.

And he _knows it_.

Cruel. It's fucking _cruel_. That the others would be taken so quickly but Tony would get to see this one, _just this one_ , crumble so slowly under his hands.

“I'm sorry,” Peter says, his voice strained. Choked.

And damn if that doesn't just break Tony even more.

 _Oh, kid,_ he wants to say. And so much more after that, so many words unspoken, because he’s half-assed this from the beginning and he knows it and he can’t make up for that now. The words are there, all there. But they stick and clump together in his throat, because he knows that if he speaks he won't be able to control what comes out. His hands shake. Peter's eyes are glassy.

The moment slips away. The chance to say something, anything, gone.

Peter slips away with it.

Crumbling.

Tony feels it, god, he _feels_ the kid crumble away under his palms, trying to grab onto something, to whatever's left, but his fist clutches at dust and ash and nothing else at all.

Peter is gone and Tony feels something snap.

A bone he didn't know he could still break, after all this.

He doesn’t get back up after that. He just turns, eyes meeting the sky, shaking. Waiting for Thanos’s snap to take him too.

It doesn't.

_Of course it doesn't._

He waits, he breathes, he puts his head down because god _damn_ it, that's it, it's done. He knows it, knows it so much it hurts, that even though he can see and hear and feel nothing but the red of the planet Titan, half of the universe is dead. His mind flicks across every familiar face, every heart he knows that might no longer be beating. Pepper. Steve. Rhodey. So many.

God. No. He can't.

Tony lifts his fingers, shaking, to his mouth. Presses the ash to his lips. And _shit_. Because this is _Peter_. This dust was just a _kid_. He was here moments ago, and now he's dead, and there's nothing left of him except these fucking _ashes_ , and _half the universe is_ **_gone_**. And they did their best and still lost. And half of it is still left standing, but Peter isn't. Peter is dead. 

_“If you die… I feel like that's on me.”_

He was supposed to protect this kid. Just this one, just this _one kid_. And when you lose and you lose and you lose again, and then finally you find something worth keeping and put so much (not enough) into keeping it (and keeping it safe)—when you realize that, maybe, you can protect the things that matter so it doesn’t all shatter like glass—when you pick a kid up and put him on his feet and try (for once in your life) to be everything you’re not, all for him, all for _just this one_ , and then you lose him anyway— 

 _God_. **_No_**. 

That’s half Tony’s universe right there. 

The rest of it all be damned. 

(Or maybe that’s an exaggeration, but god, this is Peter. This is his _kid_. And Tony doesn’t really know when that happened, because it wasn’t like that at first, it really wasn’t and he didn’t mean for it to ever be but in this moment he knows for certain that somehow Peter made it through the cracks and damn it, this was _his kid_.) 

Tony keeps breathing. 

Strange should’ve let. him. die. 

But he didn’t, and silence reigns the broken planet. 

Tony stays there for a long time. He doesn't move. There is nothing left to do, he's got nothing left to say because there is no _fixing_ this. He stays right there on the red ground, wind biting through the thin fabric of his jacket, and keeps his ash-coated fingers pressed to his lips. Ashes. Dust. All that’s left. He's trembling, his eyes hot and sharp and stinging. 

 

It's over. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not crying you're crying (tell me i'm not the only one crying) 
> 
> peter parker is a blessing and his father/son dynamic with tony is my lifeblood, have a nice day


End file.
